Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Imagine a dark room with a candle burning in it – where will your eyes go? To the candle, yes, just as your soul is drawn to the light. If You had the choice of having the candle in this dark space or not, wouldn’t we all choose to have that little light?

In those moments, when our lives seem very dark, having a beacon of light makes a difference, doesn’t it? The beauty of life is that we can actually have some control over that. The famous psychologist Victor Frankl was one of the first to teach: that in our minds we can be free! He helped many people survive the concentration camps in Europe, mentoring them into controlling their thoughts instead of collapsing into victim-hood in the face of the overwhelming onslaught of brutality that people faced.

So how can this apply to You and your life? Even in our darkest moments we still have a choice, the choice what we want to think. Most people experience themselves as “thinkers on auto pilot” and it has not occurred to them that they can actually choose which thoughts they give energy to. Just as in meditation, we can observe our thoughts and let those that do not serve us, float out of our brain like clouds moving along the sky.

How do we know whether a thought serves us? We might be so used to thinking how useless we are, how we don’t deserve, how unfair life is, etc that it can seem impossible to come up with alternatives.
In my many years of mentoring clients/mentees as a Holistic Life Mentor, I have found the following most useful:

“Don’t believe everything You think”, is one of my favorite quotes. May I suggest an experiment, just for one day? Don’t believe everything You think! And whatever thoughts You find floating in your head, maybe even harassing You in their effect, I want You to question them and their validity! How about You use the following question for that: does it strengthen me or weaken me to think this thought? Leave the judgments of “good or bad” and “right or wrong” behind You, as they make everything very complicated. Those words are overwrought with complex memories and the moral implications of our upbringing and what parents, schools and society taught us. That is very difficult to sort through and rarely do You come out at the other end with YOUR truth!
When You simply — and I mean simply — ask yourself in regards to whether it strengthens or weakens You, You will find that the answer comes very quickly. And should your thought strengthen You, then You will feel even stronger and assured to be on an authentic track. Should your inner response be that You have been weakening and self-sabotaging your Self, then You will naturally be inspired to re-think and find a better option. By utilizing this tool, You add a powerful life skill to your daily life. It has the power to change your life experience. I invite You to experiment with it and please let me know how it is working for You in creating the life You want.

Don’t believe me – prove me “right or wrong”!

With love ~ Siljoy

Losing Weight: A Different Language of Support

If we look at the statistics of more than half of all Americans being overweight, it is obvious that the current usual approaches to weight reduction are not working or that something is missing! I invite You to look at the weight challenge with me from my Holistic Perspectives.

Yes, when one wants to drop weight, most need to eat less and/or move more. Beyond that everyone can and needs to find one’s own unique solution. A diet that works for your neighbor, might not work for You. An exercise regimen to empower and be-muscle You, can be non-effective or contraindicated for your friend. Your sister might best slim down by reducing stress and adding a couple of hours of sleep every night instead of cutting down on calories. As individual as our paths are, there is one common sabotaging element which almost everyone has been weakened by up until now.

The language with which You think and share, needs to be in alignment with 1.) what is really true and 2.) what You truly want. So please bear with me and check this out for yourself. Listen to this sentence which You probably have heard and maybe said endless times in your life:

“I am still trying to lose weight”

By saying and thinking this sentence, You set yourself up for failure, actually, it is a “triple whammy” self-sabotaging sentence! Let me dissect this sentence to show You what I am talking about:
“STILL” The word “still” is helpful only in connection with something that we expect/want to stop soon. If we want to continue to do something, we need to name it that. So let me change this one to:
“I continue to try to lose weight”. Can You hear the difference? With “still” You are saying that You will stop soon. When You use “continue”, You are strengthening yourself and affirming that You are committed to your path of shedding weight (or whatever else You are doing).

Now let’s go to the next word “TRY” Whenever we are thinking or saying, “I will try”, we are in truth saying that we will NOT do it. Trying means I stop right before the doing. Trying means I will try, not do! Trying applies correctly only to two situations in life: trying on shoes or clothing or to something in your past where You failed – I tried to learn something and I failed. For all other instances, please throw the word out of your vocabulary…! So let me change this one, too:
“I continue to lose weight”. Sounds better, different, more empowered already? Just as a reminder, compare it with “I am still trying to lose weight”.

Ok, then let’s go at the third self-sabotaging word here, a really big one that to my knowledge has never been addressed before.

“Losing” weight.

What is your connotation with the word “lose”? When You lost your keys, wallet, paper?….that You want to find it again, right?! Maybe even that You HAVE to find it again, because losing your keys, wallet, paper, etc. is a really bad thing! Here comes my point – we all have learned in the English language (and so has our subconscious mind!) to associate the word “losing” with the fact that whatever we lost, we NEED TO FIND IT AGAIN!

My professional explanation as a Holistic Life Mentor of the so-called yoyo-effect in dieting (the down and up in weight) is that 99% of all people think about it in terms of “wanting to lose weight”… which means that You are telling your sub-conscious mind that You need and want to FIND THAT WEIGHT/THOSE POUNDS AGAIN, as soon as possible!!! Can You see how paradox this is? How all in You will urge toward weight gain/eating when your subconscious mind hears You think that You want to “lose weight”? So let me change this one, too and complete the new expression:
“I continue to shed weight”.
(or drop, let fade away, give back, etc whatever You can relate to most).

Even if You should currently feel at a still stand on your path to a lower weight, consider that your body might just be wisely giving You some time to adjust to your already lowered weight, so that it will be easier for You to be permanently successful. So even if You temporarily stopped dropping pounds, You are continuing to be on your path of shedding weight, aren’t You?

Am I making sense to You? My best wishes for your path to carrying the weight that serves You truly most…

With love ~ Siljoy